World-renowned & multi award-winning coach and business trainer Amy Sinton tells us all about how to stop self-sabotaging.
Sinton says, that: “People self-sabotage for many reasons. One of them is the primal need to keep one-self safe. The mind will often try to protect people, and will seek for old patterns that show them what will keep them safe from danger. When people don’t know what is going to happen for example, in a new situation, then because their mind shows it to be something that it doesn’t fully recognize yet, some people will self-sabotage because they want to protect themselves from the possibly dangerous unknown.
This happens sometimes when people are doing something for the first time, if they don’t have courage to go through with something. Sometimes this is great and keeps us safe. But sometimes it can be counter-productive and stunt people’s self-development and inner growth.
I would first suggest doing thorough research in the area, that you want to pursue – whether it is a work or personal life topic, both need due-diligence to be done and an in-depth risk-analysis based on facts. I think that once someone gains more knowledge about what they want to potentially pursue, it automatically becomes somewhat less-stressful.
However, when someone has an issue with taking a first step, even though they know very well that there is a great chance for success, and that the thing that is blocking them are their own thoughts, then I would really recommend having a good think about what that is. Sometimes people self-sabotage because they need to relax and rest a little more, some people have other obligations and have too many time-consuming matters to deal with, that their minds are telling them not to try to do something else, as they could get even more overwhelmed and possibly fail at most of the tasks if not all of them then. In such a situation, I would have a think about what is more important.
Is it what you are dealing with currently, or is it more important (especially in the long-term), to take a pause or break from the other things, and do that other think that has come to your mind, because it is a better or more important option for you personally. For example, if someone has a routine that they keep doing on a daily basis, they work somewhere, and someone gives them an offer to do their dream work.
Then sometimes, when they have a whole lot going on and they don’t have enough time to do something new, it may be a good idea to have a think about whether or not to change what they are doing on a daily basis, to temporarily free up some time for example, in order to be able to pursue what they want. Raising your self-awareness is key in terms of fighting off the act of self-sabotaging when you really want to get something done, and are sure that it is not something that is actually detrimental to you.
When you consciously analyze what you think, why you think it, what you feel about something, when you know why you do certain things, and when you know what you want – it will then be much easier for you to be in control of your actions and your thoughts, hence also the act of self-sabotaging. Self-sabotaging can lead to failure in terms of personal relationships also.
When someone does not believe that something can work, they will sometimes begin self-sabotaging. In such instances, people can start trying to fight with someone, act rudely towards the other person, or stop keeping promises that they had made, or even begin cheating. It is very important to take the time before someone does something that would be destructive to a relationship.
To have a think about why they are doing it. Is it linked to a limited belief of theirs, or a previous patter that they have seen in their parent’s relationship for example? Or does it have to do with their own feeling of low self-esteem & self-worth?
If someone has negative examples of behavior around them, or people that are trying to bring them down and fill their minds with doubt, then in order not to give into such ways of thinking and similar behavior, it is important to try to surround oneself with people that inspire them with their success. Be it in reality, or even if it is just the act of reading about their real-life success-story. Focusing on having a positive surrounding does a lot for a person.”
She goes on to talk about how it is important to seek professional help with this, when it is necessary, and not to try to deal with all of these things by one-self. Some cases can involve seeking support from a coach, while others a therapist for example. “Many people that manage to overcome self-sabotaging often find the courage to take the first step necessary to getting something done.
But simply taking the first step – even though it is a lot – doesn’t mean that someone won’t self-sabotage later on. So being mindful, careful and aware of your own thoughts and behaviors is very important, as it is of those that surround you and how they influence you.”, coach Amy says.
For know more about Amy Sinton please visit:
IG: @amysintoncoaching
Website: https://www.amysinton.com/